As I mentioned way back in my first entry, my interest in kink and general and in “the scene” got reawakened sometime this past spring. As I mentioned then, I first started exploring the scene about 12 years ago, but gradually faded out into a more subdued, personal involvement sometime around when I met Sparkle and our relationship began. The only reason I can think of to explain that is a combination of putting all my energy into said relationship and several disappointments with the scene from my vantage point (and no, I don’t plan on going into details here after all this time).
In any event, since May, when I resurrected this blog, and really since last October, when I first started getting involved with spanking discussion forums again, my “intellectual” interest in spanking has been steadily expanding. FlinchFlower asked in a post on happytails how much time people spend thinking about spanking. My answer there was that it was pretty much constantly off-and-on throughout the day, and that’s true, but only really has been during the time frame I mentioned above.
Since coming back from Vegas, its definitely been at the forefront of my mind. Sparkle says that I haven’t “come down” from the party yet, and I think that’s true to some extent. I’m still reliving the fun, remembering the things I saw and the people I met and/or got to know better and thinking about what I want to do differently next year.
But to a greater extent, I almost feel that the party awakened something in me, or perhaps more realistically , added another layer to my existing kink interests.
The fact of the matter is that, regardless of how “experienced” and “together” in terms of kink I felt I was before the party, it was something of an eye-opener. I was pleasantly surprised by how many people I did know, but even more so, it was somewhat amazing (even though I knew it intellectually) to see such a large group of like-minded people interacting in such an environment that was at once both perfectly normal and strangely surreal.
Walking into a hotel room where 3 or 4 people are being spanked simultaneously in front of many more onlookers is something that I’ve not experienced before.
What does it all mean? I’m not really sure. I’m definitely thinking about spanking more right now. I’m definitely feeling more of a top. I’m feeling as though I want to push my exploration of kink even further and find out if there’s more to the experience than what I’ve already experienced. I want to “out” myself to someone and see what sort of reaction I get (I have a particular someone in mind and already have my own theories about her potential kinkiness). I want to be more of a disciplinarian and top to Sparkle than I have in the past, something I’ve struggled with before.
In short, I want to grow as a spanko.
Maybe this desire will fade as the time since the party increases. I hope not.