This, I think, has been one of the major stumbling blocks (though not necessarily always in a bad way) in my being a disciplinarian.

I don’t react well to bratty behavior, or rather, I don’t react as one would expect a spanko to react. When confronted with true brattiness, I tend to get annoyed, angry and generally separate myself from the unwanted stimulus (read that “go off and sulk” if you want). As Sparkle will attest, she sometimes even gets that reaction with the playful sort of brattiness that’s intended solely to earn a spanking for fun depending on what sort of mood I’m in.

We’ve talked about this issue several times, and a lot of it comes back to my feelings on spanking as play vs. punishment.

But another, more serious, aspect is that I don’t want to cross the line from spanking as a consensual activity into something more abusive.

For me, giving a spanking when angry or upset is often too close to that line, and I think my getting upset and stomping off is almost a subconscious defense mechanism to avoid putting myself in that situation. I know I have a temper (I thank my Irish heritage for that and years of exposure to the various tempers in my family) and I worry about combining that temper with spanking.

The more Sparkle and I grow as a couple, however, the more comfortable I’m becoming with the notion of spanking her for something in the heat of the moment, so to speak. We’ve been edging towards that, I think, over the past year or two, and a few punishment spankings she’s gotten have been very close to this type. Knowing that she trusts me enough to spank her in that way is a very comforting experience, and at this point, its pretty much just my own feelings that stand in the way.

Who knows…someday soon, she may have an entry like Iris’ to add.