Within the spanking realm:
What is one thing you’ve always wanted to try or experience, but have not done yet?
Playing in public. I’ve played in small groups where I knew everyone, but never in front of a larger, less known group, like in a club or at a party. The idea makes me somewhat nervous, but I’d like to try it all the same. And, come Labor Day weekend, perhaps I will.
What is one thing you thought you would love, but when you experienced it, you found you didn’t like it nearly as much as you thought you would?
Role play. Sparkle and I do it occasionally, and I have with others. I do enjoy it, but not as much as I thought I would. I’ve never been a terribly good actor…I tried my hand at it in high school drama and it never really came naturally to me. Given the right scene, I can really get into it and enjoy it, but most of the time, it ends up feeling too forced and distracts me from enjoying the play.
I much prefer what I consider pseudo-role play…spanking someone in a schoolgirl uniform, for example, and being able to think about the potential scene in my head without trying to actually act it out.
What is one thing you thought you would love, and DID in fact love it when you got to experience it?
Giving a really hard spanking. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a wimp when it comes to spanking, but neither am I one that prides myself on leaving bruises. I like to threaten with the ubiquitous “when I get through with you, you won’t sit for a week” kind of lines, but I never really expect that to really be the case.
I’ve always like the idea, however, and it wasn’t until I started disciplining, and occasionally playing with, Iris that I truly gave what I consider to be a hard spanking. She has a rather high tolerance and enjoys playing hard…and needs to be punished hard for it to be effective. I’ve found that I enjoy giving a really hard spanking from time to time, especially when it’s also enjoyed on the receiving end.
What is one thing you thought or said you would “never” do, and ended up not only doing, but liking?
Being a disciplinarian. I always enjoyed the fantasy of punishment, but in my early days, I always told myself I could never be a real disciplinarian…that it would be too much akin to abuse, even in a consensual context. I dabbled with it with a former partner a little at her request, but never really felt right about it until well into my marriage to Sparkle. It’s become an integral part of our relationship, and as you know, I’m now a disciplinarian to Iris as well.
“Like” is probably not the right word to describe my feelings about the role, however. I don’t enjoy giving punishment spankings. I give them because they’re needed at the time, not for my own enjoyment. However, I do enjoy the trust that I’m given in being allowed to take on the role of disciplinarian. It may sound corny, but it truly means a lot to me to be trusted in that way, and I do enjoy that feeling.
What has been the biggest surprise you have discovered about yourself during your spanking journey?
The desire to be open about the kink. I always assumed I’d want to keep it very much to myself, that I’d never want to socialize with other spankos except in an anonymous setting like an online newsgroup or bulletin board. That I’d have a hard time actually meeting other spankos, even one-on-one. That I’d probably never end up in a relationship, or heaven forbid, marriage with another spanko.
Boy, was I wrong. I married a woman whom I knew was a spanko before I even met her. I just bought the tickets to our second Shadow Lane party. I’ve met a large number of other spankos: some to play with, some just to socialize with and one was even in our wedding party. I write openly about my kink life here, and while I’m usually careful to avoid giving away anything that could be used to identify me and my family, I often wish I didn’t have to be. I’d love to be able to publicly proclaim to the world “I am a spanko.”
If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?
If I could go back, I think I’d be less hesitant about the things I mentioned above. I’d definitely have gone to a Shadow Lane party sooner. I’d have taken more opportunities to meet and play, maybe even sought them out more actively.
But, I really have no regrets. I’m happy with where my life is. I met and married a beautiful woman, who’s both incredibly kinky and also a wonderful mother. I’ve met lots of great people as it is, and I’m probably more comfortable with the real-life situations because I spent so much time getting to know people online and observing and learning about the pitfalls others have had. So, while I might have changed a few things, I don’t really have a desire to go back and do so…moving forward is so much more productive.